so i get to work this morning… it’s disgustingly early. i’m there before anyone else. it’s like most days, really.
and i’m going through my emails. nothing too exciting in the in-box. fifteen minutes or so have passed since i got in. i’ve been thinking of tea.
and then i begin to catch a whiff of something. the whiff becomes a tad stronger. it soon becomes unavoidable. unavoidably gross. it smells like shit.
“how odd,” i think to myself. “something smells like shit.” it is doubly odd because i’m alone in the office, so there is no one around to blame, say, fart smells on.
i pause to consider and reflect and realize that i’ve been pretty much gas-free all morning.
and yet something smells like shit.
as my nose becomes more accustomed to the smell, i realize that something doesn’t smell like shit. SOMEONE smells like shit.
did i mention that i’m alone in the office?
“how odd,” i think to myself again. “i don’t usually smell like shit.” i pride myself, really on not smelling like fecal matter.
this is when i realize that something is amiss. awry. not quite right.
and this is when i look down at my shoe.
coated in crap.
at least it is dog crap. i mean, isn’t dog crap much better option than, say, any other kind of crap?
so i have dog shit all over my shoe… which then makes me think…
and i think to myself: “wait!”
“wait one second.”
“wait just one second.”
i believe all this thinking is just a means of pushing off the inevitable. of increasing the denial.
and the thinking becomes more purposeful:
“weren’t you just sitting cross-legged, with your feet under you, while you were checking your email?”
this is when the thinking ends abruptly.
this is when the reptilian part of my brain — the part responsible for fight or flight — kicks in.
is there any point in fighting poo? i think not. so flight it is.
up from my shitty chair i bounce, looking to see where else the excrement might be. i chase my tail for a moment before realizing there is shit on my bum. dog shit, remember, not mine.
and on the chair.
and on the floor.
there is one think i can be absolutely thankful of: that i wore old-fashioned yellow rubber rain pants. and boots that can be rinsed off with water.
the chair came clean with only minimal scrubbing. ditto for the floor.
the whole mess was cleaned up in under 2 minutes really, but still, it was no way to begin a day.
i don’t know why i’m telling you this, really. it’s not the most glamorous tale. i don’t believe it is one that puts me in the best of lights.
i suppose i’m just illustrating a bit of perspective. i do like to put things in their places sometimes.
i suppose that i’m just trying to say that if someone asks you how your day is going and you are tempted to say “shitty,” you may want to think again.
someone is probably having a shittier day than you.
have a good morning, friends.