“Putting Children First”: The Twisted Mentality of Dalton McGuinty (Satire)

"You know who stole your milk money? That's right. Your teacher. She also kicked your puppy." Photo Courtesy of the Toronto Sun.

So, let’s see. The Ontario Teacher’s Union says “Hey, y’know… Wage freeze? Times are tough, we can deal with that. Let’s get down to teaching.”

And Dalton says “Why, you bastards! Think of the children! I’ll see you in court!”

Then the majority of teachers walking around the streets start saying “20 sick days are probably a bit much. As long as there are plans in place for long term illness and maternity leave, why not chop ’em back a bit? Let’s get ready for the new year!”

And Dalton cries: “You greedy, bloody, corpse-robbing sons-of-bitches! Think of the children!!! I’ll see you in court!”

Then the school year starts and teacher’s say “It ain’t the kids’ fault. Let’s not chop any extracurriculars. Let’s just try our best to negotiate. What time is football practice? How about environment club?”

And Dalton screams: “You kitten-eating parasitic scum! Won’t you please think of those woe-begotten, dumped-upon kids!!! I’m going to pass a bill so that you’ll be forced to accept a wage freeze, reduce your sick days, and not be able to negotiate. That’ll teach ya! And I’ll even call the bill the ‘Putting Children First’ Act so that people really know who is on the kids’ side.”

In the end, when there is no more football, soccer, hockey, math club, environment club, homework room, science fair, music trips, camps, field trips… When there is nothing but 35 kids-to-a-classroom learning by rote…  When the opportunity for experiential learning is lost to court-mandated work legislation…  We’ll all be thankful that good ol’ Dalton was on the job.

‘Cuz he’s “Putting Children First.”

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